The painful relationships ? in between the 'i love you' and 'i hate you'

The painful release

There are couples that last for decades. Then, there are couples oh, so good that seems to end abruptly and painful.

I once dated a man who seemed to be ?the one?. We lived together, with two cats in an apartment in the suburbs. Every morning we?d look into eachothers eyes, filled with love and compassion. We?d eat toast for breakfast and sometimes maybe even for lunch. We?d go on trips together, a romantic getaway in the summer chaos.
I loved him. I lived with him for nearly a year. I thought that he was surely the one, and so did he, because he wanted to marry me and had already planned out the time and date for his proposal.

Until everything changed.

He?d come home at night, reeking of booze. He hid bottles of rum in our storage unit, just across the hall. He?d get in a cab with me after a drunk night out, and scream at me. We?d come home and argue and scream and throw plates at each other. He?d come home in such a rage that he felt that it would be neccessary to put me in my place ? held by the throat up against a wall. I felt it was neccessary to save myself by opening a window to escape. He felt that it was not the time for me to leave, and pulled me back in and threw me across the room, kicking me while I was still on the ground.
He felt I had done him so wrong that I needed to be beaten. I felt that I had to get the fuck out before I was killed. I ran to the door, but he was too quick. I ran to the other door and barely made it outside.

I remember feeling like the man I loved and the man I had seen that night was a totally different person. In fact, he was not the man I loved any more. He was just an empty shell of a man, a ghost of what he used to be. It broke my heart.

I threw myself on my bike and rode it for miles until I reached my friends house. I cried and cried and she held me, while she was just wearing her pajama ? after all, it was four in the morning.

I ended that relationship. And it was painful. My mother told me to please reconsider leaving him, after all ?he is a great man and will surely love and provide for you for the rest of his life.? She said those words because she saw him as the man I loved. I still saw him as the ghost. I got myself another apartment which I could barely afford. I left my cats behind because I could not take care of them. I was shocked to my very core of what had happened that night.
I got my stuff and told him that it was over.

I don?t really got over the violence, the screaming and the drunk man I once loved. I do not love him any more, but I still run into him from time to time. He?s with somebody else, and all I can think of that is..
?I hope he?s good to her.?

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Tagged: life, reasons, about me, why, fear, alcohol, letting go, sadness, heartbreak, self injury, leaving, abuse, violence, starting over, escape

Source: http://betweentheiloveyous.wordpress.com/2012/07/20/the-painful-rel-2/

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